How To Become An Overnight Billionaire In Nigeria

With only some 50 years of independent
national existence, Nigeria is a country
reeking with "new money." The
overwhelming proportion of the millionaires
and billionaires in the country are "nouveau-
riche;" they became rich literally
"overnight." We are talking of people whose
wealth does not go beyond a generation.
Indeed, the fantastic wealth of Nigerian billionaires
like Femi Otedola scarcely goes beyond ten/fifteen
years. Not only does Nigeria's wealthy few have a
short history, they often have a short future as
well.
The money comes "miraculously" and goes
just as "miraculously."
In my youth, S.B. Bakare was the celebrated
Nigerian tycoon. Highlife stars and juju musicians
eulogised him in their records. But ask a young
Nigerian today who S.B. Bakare is, and I can bet my
bottom dollar he has never heard of him.
S.B. has fallen off the radar and so has his wealth.
It is not identifiable by any major industry or
enterprise. His descendants may still be in
litigation over the dregs of his estate, but
undoubtedly it is nothing to write home about
again. Certainly, nobody is singing about S.B.
Bakare today.
There are now new pretenders to his
throne.New dawn
Time was when wealthy Nigerians built something,
developed something, or made something. At that
time, the rich were truly captains of industry.
Alhaji Sanusi Dantata made his fortune in the era
of the groundnut pyramids in the North; buying
and shipping them for export.
Sir Odumegwu Ojukwu had Nigeria's largest fleet
of inter-city "mammy-wagons." He also imported
"panla" (dried fish) on a large scale. Sir Mobolaji
Bank-Anthony had a tanker fleet and a pioneering
charter airline. Emmanuel Akwiwu, hauled oil-rigs
and supplies for British Petroleum. Chief Timothy
Adeola Odutola produced bicycle tires for the
growing army of Nigerian bike-riders.
But thanks to oil, much of Nigerian wealth is no
longer the product of such ventures. Yes, we have
billionaires like Ibrahim Dasuki and Mike Adenuga
who can still be rightfully described as highly
enterprising. But even more significantly, we have
tycoons who came into wealth through "wuru-
wuru" and "mago-mago." These men are hardly
Nigeria's Bill Gates.
On the contrary, they don't have a clue what to do
with their dubious wealth, and they are ignorant
about wealth-creation. As such, they add little of
value to the Nigerian project. Their praises may be
sung today by their horde of parasitical hangers-
on, but they will not be remembered for good when
they are gone. As mysteriously as their wealth
materialised, so will it vanish.
These men became rich through some of the
following tried and tested methods, which can be
relied upon to lead to one's inclusion in the
Nigerian Book of Irrelevant Rich Men. If you want
to get rich quick, here is the Nigerian blueprint.
But please, don't tell anyone I "wiki-leaked" this
highly-classified national secret to you.
Rob a bank
This strategy has gone through some transition.
Bank-robbers used to be men of the underworld
who held banks hostage at gunpoint and then
made off with the cash. However, it was soon
recognised that this approach has distinct
disadvantages. You might get arrested and jailed.
Even worse, you might get shot. It also became
apparent that banks carry limited amounts of cash.
Therefore, a successful bank robbery of this violent
kind might only land you perhaps 50 million naira
tops, which is not even enough to buy or build a
house in Banana Island. There is a better way to
rob a bank with far limited risk. Simply establish a
bank.
When you establish a bank, you can rob the bank
every day without a gun. When people deposit
money in your bank, they don't know that they are
handing over their life-savings to a thief. You then
rob the bank you establish in a number of
imaginative ways.
For example, you can lend money to your bank and
then charge it a very high interest-rate. Better
still, you can borrow billions from your bank and
simply forget to pay it back. Or, you can use the
money deposited in your bank to buy houses and
then rent them out as branches to your bank at
exorbitant prices.
By Femi Aribisala