The other side of rushing into relationships

Another weekend rolls around, and you're once again sitting
home alone. Whether it's been days, weeks, months, or
longer since your last relationship went up in flames, the
desire to seek companionship is never far below the surface
of the human psyche. As a vibrant member of the human
race, seeking new social interactions and romance is a
natural tendency and one that is hard-wired into the brain
through the undeniable forces of evolution. What does this
mean? Simply stated, the need for human interaction,
dating, relationships, and intimacy are natural forces that
are not easily suppressed.
I hope you will get something out of this article whether
you're new at this, somewhere half way in finding your way
back, or if you're down the road enjoying your time amidst
your healthy aloneness! It's more about the power of
aloneness here than simply wallowing in your sadness.
So what's the problem? After a break up, many people tend
to rush out one door and through another-often under the
guise of "getting back on the saddle of a horse", which just
unceremoniously dumped them in the middle of the corral.
Others simply believe that getting out and socialising will
keep their minds off their recent relationship failure; they
are kept engaged and hopefully avoiding lapses into regret,
"what ifs" and perhaps even bouts of depressive thinking.
While well-intended, rushing back through that dating scene
door is often just an invitation for disaster.
There is a vast difference between socialising with friends
or taking up new interests to fill a void in one's life after a
break up, and actively seeking a new relationship. The
former is a healthy way to remain socially active and
engaged, while the latter is typically a desperation move to
refill the void left behind when a former partner is out of
the picture. The real problem lies in telling the difference
between these two scenarios, and being able to avoid
crossing the line into "mate replacing" too soon.
You may decide to spend more time with friends after a
break up just to keep your mind off of the lost relationship.
Without realising it's taking place, well-meaning friends
may begin the process of matchmaking for you-suggesting
potential companions, orchestrating gatherings, or even
setting up dates.
You go along with these efforts, because, well, they are
your friends and you are a bit lonely and feeling like that
proverbial third wheel, particularly if most of your friends
are couples or married. Your friends do indeed mean well,
but this type of scenario can set you directly on a path to a
poor relationship decision and outcome. Just what you don't
need fresh on the heels of a breakup. What you do need is
time to process, heal, and strengthen emotionally before
venturing into a new relationship.
How Soon Is Too Soon? Most would agree that there is no
"perfect" time to consider a new relationship. It will depend
largely on who you are, where you've been, and what
lingering issues may remain from your previous
relationship. Feelings of inadequacy, insecurity, regret, or
the fear of being vulnerable are common issues that should
be addressed before a new relationship begins. Too often
delving into and resolving these issues take the backseat,
when in reality, they should be the focus of your personal
healing. Without facing these emotional aspects post-break
up, behavioural patterns and unresolved thought processes
are bound to resurface.
So while time may heal most wounds, tough personal work
and life coaching may often be the only way to fully regain
emotional health in the aftermath of a break up. Rushing
right into a new relationship is not the answer. You have
work to do before you're ready to begin anew.
Courtesy: Tango.com